Thanks For The Advice, Now Leave Me Alone.

I know you didn’t ask, but if I could offer one piece of advice for newly pregnant women and new mommies it would be this: Don’t listen to people’s unsolicited advice.

A friend of mine visited our local lactation consultant when her new baby was having difficulties nursing. I consider this friend to be well-researched in the area of motherhood, as well as a perfectly loving and responsible mommy. My friend informed the consultant of the difficulties she had been facing, and told her that she was working on getting her baby on a 3 hour feeding schedule, distracting her as much as possible in between feedings. I can’t even believe the LC’s reaction. It went something like this: “How DARE you starve your poor little baby like that! All she wants is the comfort of her mommy’s touch and some warm milk to help her grow!” Are you kidding me? Look, lady. It’s one thing to disagree with the way someone is doing things. It’s a completely different thing to make someone feel like a total idiot for the choices they have made. Needless to say, I did NOT go to that lactation consultant when my baby came along. I did my own thing, which included putting him on a 3 hour feeding schedule and he is a perfectly healthy and plump baby boy, growing every day and as happy as can be. Eat that, lactation lady.

I am a list maker and a worrier by nature, so as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, it was only appropriate that I had a huge list of worries to go along with the shock and excitement that comes along with that new reality. There are so many choices to be made, each one with pros and cons. Natural birth or epidural? Exercise while pregnant or take it easy? Stay at home mom or working mom? Breast feed or formula? And the list goes on…

I decided to do a little web surfing to look for information about pregnancy, prenatal health, and child rearing. Big mistake. I quickly came to find out that for every search result (all five million and three of them) that came up, each one of them had a differing opinion on what should or should not be done.

The ladies at work didn’t help much, either. I absolutely love my colleagues. But what’s with people stating their advice as if it was the 11^th commandment, sent from Yahweh himself!? “You SHOULD ____________.” “ You DEFINITELY don’t want to _____________. “ “Make sure that you ___________.” “Oh honey, don’t waste your time doing ________.” Thou shall. Thou shall not. Blah, blah, blah. Did it ever occur to anyone that their exact experience might not be the exact experience I have with my pregnancy and my child?

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is very important to do the research, stay informed, and surround yourself with supportive friends and family. But all of those “mommy forums” don’t cut it as reliable research. They are helpful, at times, to realize that you are not the only one going through this or that. I definitely visit them occasionally for a little security myself.

But somewhere throughout the journey of pregnancy/motherhood I realized that I have to stop feeling overwhelmed by depending on others’ opinions and start taking the advice I’m given with a grain of salt, trusting my maternal instincts and staying in communication with my doctor (who didn’t go to 4 extra years of school for nothin’). I have to do what works for MY family and leave it at that.

With all of that venting aside, I pledge this… to minimize my advice unless it’s asked for, as well as word it in a way that lets the advisee know that I can only speak for myself and what worked in my situation. I will not think they are idiots (or treat them as such) if they choose to do something differently than the way I do things. I pledge to let them be mommies in their own way.

So I know you didn’t ask, but ignore everyone else’s advice. Mine is better.